“If I do not have love, I am nothing ...

1 Corinthians 13:1, 6

Love  does not rejoice in what is wrong but rejoices with the truth.“

I had always thought of the above Scripture in the context of marriage, since it is so frequently read at weddings and used as a guide to what constitutes marital love.  While indeed it does speak to marriage (and all love for that matter) with its references to patience, kindness, and the like, but until now, I never really noticed the connection in this Scripture between love and truth, and the call (command, if you will) from Jesus to speak the truth in love. 

So often our motives for the words we speak or write are not love, but rather pride.  Whenever we speak with a desire to be right, it comes from a place of pride, seeking esteem and/or power over the other.  I am struck by all the back and forth on social media where individuals seek not the truth but rather try to convince one another that they are right – smarter, have the correct information, and listen to the only correct news sources. 

Whether we are responding to our spouse, family member, friend, or someone we are just meeting, it is important to reflect on what our motive is behind the words we speak – Is it to communicate our love for them and/or Jesus or is it to gain esteem for ourselves by sharing our lofty views?

I am struck with Jesus’ way of communicating truth.  First and foremost, he let people know that he loved them.  Only then did he proceed to share the hard truth about the life he called them to in following him.  Otherwise, who would even consider it?  Why would anyone want to follow an angry tyrant like we see so often portrayed on social media, in the news, or in the government?  Practically speaking, only when the truth is coupled with love is there a reason to listen.  But more importantly, according to Jesus, only when we speak out of love, is there reason to speak. 

Another tip we can take from Jesus is that he rarely engaged in extended back and forth dialogue when he was sharing truth.  He simply stated the truth and left it for the person to consider and hopefully be convinced.   He felt no need to defend the truth but merely to state it.  This is good counsel that might change the way we interact with others if we left the rest of the work to the Holy Spirit, rather than feeling the need to respond to endless rebuttals to our statements.  Those who act out of pride will always need to have the last word, something good to reflect on when we can’t seem to stop ourselves. 

When I consider my own motives for speaking, the times when I am able to speak out of love and concern for someone else, rather than myself, are the times when a fruitful discussion happens.  The times when I speak out of my own self-interest, I find words coming from my mouth that I can’t seem to control, in a tone of voice I don’t like.  My desire at those times it to be “right,” not to communicate truth because I love that person. In fact, that pride can even cause me to cling to a position that is not even right or true, holding on just to be deemed the winner. 

That seems to be a description of our society as a whole right now – whether politicians, journalists, or political commentators in the course of their “work” or everyday citizens on social media.  In a way, I think that is what makes social media posting so difficult and contentious.  We are not communicating with someone we specifically care about but rather to  an unspecified mass of people for whom we have no specific feelings.  We say to someone in a social media post what we might never dream of saying to them face to face.  And in fact, we spend a lot of time trying to convince one another of a lot of things that don’t really matter in the scheme of our daily lives, commentary about how OTHERS are living their lives rather than how God calls ME to live my life. 

Unless I care about you and feel strongly that something you are doing is hurtful to you or others, or you ask for my opinion, it is not my place to share it with you.  How different this world would be if every comment we made came from this place.  As I think about it, that’s exactly what Jesus did.  He spoke only when asked for his opinion or in the context of communicating with and teaching those he loved – which of course was everyone! 

So how do we know when we are called to speak the hard truth in love?  As Bishop Earl Boyea, Bishop of the Lansing Diocese, teaches – only  through prayer.  He advises that prayer should “surround any encounter where we feel compelled to speak the truth.  We should pray and then pray some more.  And if we do not have love, we should keep silent.”  If not, or until, I have love for that person, that message of truth is better left to someone else to share.  It is a humbling thought that my lack of love can inhibit my ability to do what God calls me to do.  Indeed, a lack of love inhibits our ability to do most anything God calls us to do because that is his primary call for all of us.  If we spent more time pursing becoming loving instead of trying to be the purveyor of truth, imagine how our world would change!